White coat. Heels.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
