i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
