That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
