There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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