I showed him my bush... on skype.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
