its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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