I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
