Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
