Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
