Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
