i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
