Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
