Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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