My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
