peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize