Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
