Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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