the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
