i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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