i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize