Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
