There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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