woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
