and i looked up. we had an audience...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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