i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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