We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
