you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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