Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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