every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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