I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
