I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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