I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
