I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
