This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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