I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
