I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
