Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
