people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
