So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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