now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
