She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
