i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
