Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize