they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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