I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think weed is turning my hair brown
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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