I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Green mimosas i think yes
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
