whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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