God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
