I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
