so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
