She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
