Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize