My room smells like vodka and shame
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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