there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
