I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
