when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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