You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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