i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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