if you like me you must not know who I am
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
