puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
