Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Randomize
