Say something about gay babies.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
