You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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