He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
