hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
