if only i could text you this smell
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
